i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
