my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
