Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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