you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
