I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
