I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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