Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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