You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want her autograph on my taint
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
