Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
