I faked an abortion last night.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
