I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
