I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
