When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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