why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
