Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
