I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
