Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
