just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize