I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
