Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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