I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize