Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
