Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize