so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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