Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
