Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
