I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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