i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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