you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
