this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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