If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize