Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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