I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
