Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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