I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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