We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
