she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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