I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize