Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
