Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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