i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
