Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
