Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize