too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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