This girl is more easily done than said...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
