I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
