take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
