If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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