im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
