all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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