Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
