sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
