I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
