coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
