my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
