Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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