I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
