is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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