i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
