3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pooping to opera.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
