My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
