thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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