laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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