I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
