So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
