Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize