whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize