The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
