ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
