I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
