You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
