i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
