Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
