how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
