i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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