Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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