Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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