I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
