No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
