A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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