she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
