I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
