I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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