Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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