She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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