1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
