soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
