Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
