this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize