I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's the barista slut.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
