I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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