so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
