I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sober January is a disaster.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
